Guide to Animal Behaviour by Douglas Glover

Author:Douglas Glover
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Goose Lane Editions
Published: 2013-12-04T16:00:00+00:00

TURNED INTO A HORSE BY WITCHES,

PORT ROWAN, U. C., 1798

1

Old widow McMichael is one.

I set a trap at the foot of my bed, a contraption of beams and pulleys bolted to the floor. It has nearly been the death of me, twice. Oncet my wife’s dog Sally got her paw caught coming to wake us in the morning.

Sometimes we wake up and there is the tell-tale smell of ashes and urine all over the cabin.

I believe there are certain precautions everyone should take. Never marry your daughter off on a Friday nor make soap when the moon is turning. Plant your cucumbers in the second quarter if you want pickles for the winter. I keep a good supply of horseshoes about the place.

Oncet I had my gun and was climbing the ravine to hunt deer, when I espied Mrs. McMichael on the path ahead of me. The dog whimpered and would go no further, so we came home. The dog has never run a deer since. It is well known that witches will ruin a good dog by peeing up its nose.

2

I am a medical man. I had a practice in Philly that was ruined by the rebels and you-know-who. After the war, they took my house because I would not say the oath of allegiance. Dr. Rodney has it now, but I saved my bag and walking-around instruments.

I rowed all the way from Niagara with the wife, a cow and eighty apple trees wrapped in burlap.

The sunlight off the lake is hot and bright, and the water looks like quicksilver. Sometimes you cannot tell where the water ends and the sky begins. The first winter ice blew up off the lake and killed half my orchard. Indians took the cow, but I believe it was an honest mistake.

At first there were no other white people and even now my practice is extended.

The wife has given birth to a son, who is whole, which is lucky considering the evil we have been through.

3

We are for Henry Alline and the New Lights.

When he was eight, my boy fell into a trance in a field, trying to save a cow that had hung herself on a line fence — a clear case of witchery. I nailed him a box, and the wife prayed and aggravated over him for three days, after which he sat up and asked for a sup of maple syrup candy.

I was about to wallop him with a fence paling, when he espied Elder Culver on his knees at the foot of the box and cried out that he had been in Heaven talking to angels. He begged Elder Culver to baptize him and let him witness for the Lord at the next camp meeting.

The wife said, Praise Jesus and don’t beat the boy.

Prior to this, the boy had shown little inclination toward theological subjects.

4

Oncet I woke from a nap to see a young girl in a white shift, strolling in the orchard.

When I approached, she turned to greet me with a shameless invitation.

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